I fire from thirty. Swish. I can do this all day long. I can do it in my sleep. I fire again from thirty, swish. I say to Stan, I can do this in my sleep.
Stan says, You couldn’t do it in your sleep if Wayne was here.
Where is Wayne? I text Wayne and get back the same text that I got the last time and the time before that: dsidfrok swuabny lofelyad.
I fire from thirty, swish. I take five steps back and fire, swish. I say, Little Man Stan.
I’m cold. I’m freezing. I would like to eat. I would like to go inside where caribou meat is simmering in a vat. I would like to savor the aroma of simmering caribou.
I put on my overmitts and take another five steps back, and it’s like, three, two, one.
I would like to have protection from the cold. I would like to have the resources to buy protection. If I had protection I would put others under my protection. Others would be secure and grateful. We would all fire away and there would be no need for overmitts.
I drop a dozen in a row from way out, then I take five steps back and drop a baker’s dozen in a row.
I would like to be indoors, debating. I want to be debating about who will marry first. I don’t necessarily want to be participating in the debate but I would at least like to be entertained by a lively debate. Possibly the debate would be among young children.
I’m saying to myself, Turn, look, shoot. Turn, look, shoot. I don’t need to look. I take another five steps back, I don’t look. Swish.
I would like Stan to be thinking that what he would like to do, right now, is low bridge me.
When the phone rings, I say, Wayne residence. Every time it rings they ask for Wayne.
Possibly the debate would be about the merits of caribou oil versus those of caribou gel.
I really must eat soon. If I don’t eat soon I may go into a diabetic coma. I drop one from way way out. I drop another one from way way out. I could do this in my sleep. I say to Stan, I could keep on doing this even if I was in a diabetic coma.
I would like the old men who come outdoors to look up at the sky and shade their eyes.
I call Wayne again. This time I leave a message. I say, dsidfrok swuabny lofelyad.
I’m looking down to avoid the caribou droppings. The caribou droppings are frozen. I don’t want to stumble over a frozen caribou dropping. I don’t want to stumble over a frozen caribou dropping and fall onto a frozen caribou dropping.
I hoist one up from thirty at an impossible angle. Swish. I take five steps back. Swish.
I would like to go indoors and Stan to touch his finger to my shoulder and make a sound intended to resemble sizzling.
Stan is right up in my face. Swish. Stan is making sounds resembling noisy migration.
I want Stan not to realize that his sounds resemble not only noisy migration but also applause. They resemble the applause of old men. I would like Stan never to catch on to this. I would like old men from indoors to come outdoors and scratch their heads.
When the old men are outdoors, that’s when I would want Wayne to arrive. Wayne would arrive and get into a conversation with the old men.
Wayne would take out his phone and show the old men photos of his fingers. A young child would come outdoors carrying a bowl. One of the old men would call the young child over. Wayne would show the young child the phone. The young child would drop the bowl.
Wayne would say to Stan, You need to get up in his face. Stan would say, I am up in his face.
The bowl would hold a soup made from a caribou whose fur is the color of snow.
I would point to the branch of a spruce tree. I would hoist one up that would bounce off the branch and drop in.
Stan would say that he couldn’t tell which branch I pointed to because of my overmitts.
The conversation would be about the weather. Mainly, it would be about the sun. The old men would go on and on about the sun. When they finished with the sun they would go on and on about the blue sky.
I keep taking steps back until technically I’m indoors, then I lob one underhand. Swish.
Stan asks me how long it’s been since we last ate. I ask Stan how long it’s been since he last brushed his teeth.
I would like to tell Stan that the trick is to let his eyes adjust. While Stan is letting his eyes adjust, I would go indoors and listen. I would get into a conversation with someone who is very close to Stan.
I would like Stan to interrupt our conversation. Stan would not realize that he would be interrupting our conversation. I want the person to stop and listen, too. I would like the person to roll her eyes. After she rolls her eyes I would like her to say Stan’s name.
I’ve been in my jacket too long. I never should have slept in my jacket last night.
After everything that falls to the floor is back on the walls, I would say, Old Man Stan.
I launch one from forty-five. I say to Stan, Wake me when Wayne gets here. Swish.