Dear Charles,

I am in complete and utter shock at the occurrences of the day. At that time I was unawares (and I am sure you have heard already) that noblemen were gathered in protest in the city of Prague where I had been staying to meet with an old acquaintance of mine (Mr. John Daniels – if you must know. We had met some time ago as boys, and he had requested to meet again on business.) I had just taken a wrong turn down an unfamiliar street when out from the window were thrown three well-dressed gentlemen. Luckily, a pile of manure was present to break their fall. I daresay I feel a war coming on.

Sincerely,
Your Dear Friend

Dear Charles,

As you have been certainly credibly informed, our provinces in North America have been frequently ravaged by Indian enemies. It has been told that one of our number, certainly not an English citizen himself but one of those born here in the colonies, has begun to turn the Indians’ methods against themselves. This method I speak, or rather write, of is scalping, the gruesome – and here I suppose you should cease reading aloud, if you so are, so that the lady of the house or your daughter may not chance to hear – technique of the savages whereby the scalp is removed. So you may know before all others that here in the colony of New Hampshire dignified white men have begun to adopt the techniques of the savages. I fear that the colonies are in danger from themselves.

Sincerely,
Your Dear Friend

Dear Charles,

I feel with all the strength of my anxious heart that the Compromise must be supported or I fear that the quiet and harmonious harmony, which makes the blessings of this Union so rich and so dear to us all, may be lost. I hope that the morals that are the foundations of this great country be remembered.

Sincerely,
Your Dear Friend

charlie, u wnt blv ths fnd the mssng lnk ai prkfctd ull see nws soon im sure! fame on its wy! wrried abt the cnfrnce tho mst tlk soon – ur frnd

Ċ- 5th Δ π Ø ʊ≈↓ ⌂ ∏ ∆ ≠↑-∞

My most dear friend Charles,

I hope all is well with you, and I recommend me unto you, beseeching you for your daily blessing, that it will please you to refer hardy thanks to all your servants the which by your commandment have given right good attendance to me at this time. As far as news, our ships have docked just this afternoon in the Orient, bringing nearly 40,000 pairs of eyeglasses. The reception was one of varied results. Some Chinese have rejoiced in the reception, but others yet I have overheard resent our gracious addition. One man, who certainly had been suffering from poor eyesight near his entire life, exclaimed in wonder when he placed the glasses upon his head. The translator said to us that he was in awe that he could now see in detail for the first time the work of his own people. Our business here is as we hoped. God send me comfort to his pleasure, and that I and mine that be left here with me be well. I wish I were with you now and many times more.

Written with the hand of your dear friend.

Dear Charles,

A riot broke out just yesterday in Manhattan. Our beloved Manhattan, Charles! You are blessed to be away. I was out walking to visit a friend for lunch (you might remember Mrs. Haley, Samuel’s widow – her grandfather and mine were friends as boys), when I heard the sound of gunshots. I ran down several streets until before me I saw a wild crowd, state militia and common men alike, outside the Astor Opera House. The crowd was in a fury. Glass shattered, pieces of bricks and paving stones rattled in on the terraces and lobbies, the confusion increased, till the Opera House resembled a fortress besieged by an invading army rather than a place meant for the peaceful amusement of civilized community. I fear our Manhattan will not be the place you remember it upon your return.

Sincerely,
Your Dearest Friend

Charles,

Bravo! It has been done. You said it was impossible, a folly, but I have outsmarted all of them. I have brought it back to the homeland, where it rightfully belongs. It is burning a hole in my apartment, and I am itching to get my reward. But I will of course be patient. Do you remember when we were children, and we would hide behind the barrels of wine in your father’s vineyard? You were always afraid of the rats. The rats, I said, would not hurt you, their teeth were so tiny and so harmless and so would be like but a bee sting. But you insisted that they were vicious, cunning and that at night they would chew through your mattress, climb across your sheets and scratch out your eyes with their tiny claws. Sweet nostalgia, Charles. I am afraid you have not changed much, and we are in quite the same place I had always imagined.

Con sincerita,
Il tuo caro amico

Charles,

Bravo! E ‘stato fatto. Hai detto che era impossibile, una follia, ma ho superato in astuzia tutti. L’ho riportato in patria, dove si appartiene di diritto. Si tratta di masterizzazione di un buco nel mio appartamento, e io sono prurito per ottenere la mia ricompensa. Ma io, naturalmente, di essere paziente. Ti ricordi quando eravamo bambini, e ci nascondiamo dietro le botti di vino in vigna di suo padre? Eri sempre paura dei topi. I ratti, ho detto, non sarebbe male, i loro denti erano così piccoli e così innocua e così sarebbe come, ma una puntura d’ape. Ma lei ha insistito che erano vizioso, astuzia e che di notte si sarebbero masticare attraverso il vostro materasso, salita attraverso i fogli di scratch e anche gli occhi con i loro artigli piccoli. Dolce nostalgia, Charles. Temo che non sono cambiate molto, e siamo abbastanza in uno stesso luogo che avevo sempre immaginato.

Con sincerita,
Il tuo caro amico

Hi Charlie,

Isn’t this fun? I think if anyone ever found this, they were be so perplexed! They were think I wrote totally gibberish. Well, I has a secret message for you. Yesterday I sawed your friend Bradley going his place. He were not alone as you could have guess!!! (this is such funny punctuation!!!) He were with Kat. I sawed. They kissed not like it were the first times. See I knows Kat are with Sam and that she have been hinting a lot oftener about feeling “☹“ about Sam who play poker to oftener nows and do not want to talk about life or things any more. And I knews that Brad and she were oftener with themselves and she would seem ☺. I was going from work when I saw the kiss. You does not have to tell Sam I know, but thought you would like to hear this little bit! Please write back this same way. It take so long, right? So Ø!

“Sincerely,”
Your ☺ friend

Charles, Charles, Char les, Ch, Ch, pseduo2: Have not forgotten. Have not. Have not. Forgotten.