[You’re looking for the place where people are gentle and language is forceful. You find it in dreams, snowstorms, and other areas of low visibility.]
The creative director of a highly successful and innovative marketing firm stands at a podium and addresses a theatre filled with highly paid Ivy League graduates.
“Gentlemen, I am the Great Explainer of Everything! You may refer to me as the GEOE, if you wish.”
[The weatherman! Now there’s a hell of an explainer. He’s got a map that you can see and it isn’t even there! And he explains it to you!]
The GEOE knits his bushy eyebrows together and gets down to brass tacks:
“Gentlemen, we are well-educated, white males who drive foreign cars and drink domestic microbrews. We wear suspenders and bowties without a hint of irony, goddammit!”
With that, he slams his fist down on the podium and the entire theatre full of high priced subordinates bursts into applause.
[You try to figure out your pitch. Is it hard or a soft? Do you make speeches or sales? How many questions should you ask? Do you take your time or simply try to appear to be taking your time?]
While the crowd stands in ovation, the GEOE clasps his hands together and shakes them over his head, grinning madly and speaking faster and faster.
“You have feet and legs for reasons, you have eyes and hair and credit-”
and by now no one can even hear the GEOE, who appears to be going over the proverbial edge. He’s really laying it on thick and heavy!
[This is how it goes: Practice looking her in the eye without judgment. Learn her without examining her too closely. Smile without your gaze faltering. Watch everyone in the room without staring. Assume a blunt, mildly vulgar way of speaking and a weary familiarity with current events. Appear well-read. Do not appear to consider yourself well-read. Take your time reading the menu even if you’ve already decided. Do not stare into your glass. Do not stare into your plate. Allow your eyes to wander. Eat slowly.]