[You’re looking for the place where people are gentle and language is forceful. You find it in dreams, snowstorms, and other areas of low visibility.]

The creative director of a highly successful and innovative marketing firm stands at a podium and addresses a theatre filled with highly paid Ivy League graduates.
He shouts:
“Gentlemen, I am the Great Explainer of Everything! You may refer to me as the GEOE, if you wish.”

[The weatherman! Now there’s a hell of an explainer. He’s got a map that you can see and it isn’t even there! And he explains it to you!]

The GEOE knits his bushy eyebrows together and gets down to brass tacks:
“Gentlemen, we are well-educated, white males who drive foreign cars and drink domestic microbrews. We wear suspenders and bowties without a hint of irony, goddammit!”
With that, he slams his fist down on the podium and the entire theatre full of high priced subordinates bursts into applause.

[You try to figure out your pitch. Is it hard or a soft? Do you make speeches or sales? How many questions should you ask? Do you take your time or simply try to appear to be taking your time?]

While the crowd stands in ovation, the GEOE clasps his hands together and shakes them over his head, grinning madly and speaking faster and faster.
He shouts:
“You have feet and legs for reasons, you have eyes and hair and credit-
and by now no one can even hear the GEOE, who appears to be going over the proverbial edge. He’s really laying it on thick and heavy!

[This is how it goes: Practice looking her in the eye without judgment. Learn her without examining her too closely. Smile without your gaze faltering. Watch everyone in the room without staring. Assume a blunt, mildly vulgar way of speaking and a weary familiarity with current events. Appear well-read. Do not appear to consider yourself well-read. Take your time reading the menu even if you’ve already decided. Do not stare into your glass. Do not stare into your plate. Allow your eyes to wander. Eat slowly.]