He went first for the talking cure but quit quickly since his own voice depressed him. Then he switched over to animals: canine therapy, equine therapy. Even ursine therapy. He couldn’t bear it.

So he tried going to a wellness spa. Fish there ate the dead skin from his body. Fish there ate live skin from his body. He ate sushi made of fish fed exclusively on his body.

The depressed person remained depressed.

He tried other things. He took legal drugs, less legal drugs, subjected himself to energetic-quartz-bead microdermabrasion, legal and illegal body work, Lacanian deep (t)issue massage. The latter seemed to help some, but he objected to the little A– who ran the sessions.

He moved on to more extreme measures: voluntary organ transplants, elective surgery, trepanning. The treatments were never enough. He tried sexual healing, sexual self-harm, autoerotic asphyxiation.

The depressed person just couldn’t see any way for things to get better. And then he realized he’d been plugging the wrong holes. A few minutes later and that problem was solved.

Power cords trailed from his eye sockets; his face was lit right up.