plastic / makes money elastic / make some shapes / with the plastic pint glass / that moulds in yer hand / and splashes everywhere / and onto the shoes of the bloke beside yer / who’s a right bruiser / so you buy him a lager / but yer got no cash / this could start a conflict / so you want it / you want it / you want it on credit / yer gonna pay later / it’ll come back an haunt yer / make the minimum payment / paying bank interest / at least yer still breathing / card on the max / gonna get a slap

but i’m just being a tad dramatic

elastic / you said yer tits weren’t plastic / you got more front than the golden mile / invent a smile / form some shapes / shape yer mouth / stretch to a pout / push up pull down / form a round o / round o / that makes yer look like a blow-up doll / startled can’t believe it’s not butter look / oops forgot me knickers look / and you pretend you wanna kiss me / with lipstick left cheek / air kiss / mawaah mawaah / and all time yer making eyes with the bloke at the bar / who drives a jaguar / i think yer a slapper

you make me sick

elastic plastic / what the fuck is that then / does it throw shapes / can yer stretch yer pint into a quart / can i twist yer kiss around to kiss me on the arse / that facial expression resembles a smile / can yer hold it there a while / will it bungee off / will it flick onto me hand / twang / will it catapult up and smack me in the mouth / smack me in the mouth / smack me in the mouth / blow up doll slaps back / with a repertoire / a face for all seasons / excited – surprised – anticipating – retard / one-two-three-four faster than the fast speed on a high speed vibrator / makes for a sex face / oo – oh yeah – ahh / or i could get a slap from a bloke with soggy shoes / who drives a flash car / part owner of a beach bar / on the costa del fuck-a-slut / he thinks he should be a film star / he’s a wanker / he’s a wanker / he’s got a poncy name and he’s a fucking wanker

but he’s a big bloke so i’ll keep me gob shut