The History of the Hairshirt

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While most discussions of corporal mortification focus on the medieval saints, scholars often overlook some of its most crucial practitioners. It is not widely known, for example, that Mother Teresa learned her devotion to the cilice from Flavor Flav. Whatever guilt or sin bends him like a branch, it is a stench he alone can detect. His atonement, though, is as public as a hanging: in an extraordinary act of penance, Flav began wearing heavy clocks around his neck constantly, save for Sundays and Church feast days. His Good Friday clock weighs 82 lbs. Over time, his muscles have worn away like Scripture. He reasons that, through this kind of temporal suffering, one may find eternal salvation.

See also: The History of Anorexia Mirablis, The History of Hype