This is my laptop. There are many laptops like this one, but this laptop is mine. My laptop is my best friend. My laptop is my life. I must master my laptop as I must master my life. Without me, my laptop is useless. Without my laptop, I am useless. I must write on my laptop true. I must write straighter than all editors who are trying to edit me. I must edit myself before the editors edit me. I will.

My laptop is human, even as I am human, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn my laptop as a brother. I will learn my laptop’s weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sighs, and its battery life. I will keep my laptop clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.

Before God I swear this creed: my laptop and I are defenders of my ideas; we are masters of all editors; we are the saviors of my life. So be it until there are no editors. Amen.